As I sit and write this, I’m on my way to my 46th country and what will be my 15th flight of the year. So far, I’ve been to 4 continents and used countless airlines (some good, some bad, some Wizzair). However, there is one thing that complicates my travel life: I have a fear of flying. Most people don’t believe me when I mention it. “How can you travel so much if you don’t like flying?”. Firstly “don’t like flying” would be a welcome change. Not many people say they love flying. I wish I simply “didn’t like flying”. Sort of like the dentist. You don’t love it but you go and get it over and done with. Flying for me is so much worse. I’m not a typically anxious person in my day-to-day life but some of the most anxiety-inducing moments of my life have been as a result of being on a plane.
How do I feel when I fly?
The lucky thing about my fear of flying is that it doesn’t typically kick in until after I board the plane and the door shuts. This means I can quite easily book a flight, plan a trip with great excitement and physically get on a plane relatively easily (most of the time). But once that door shuts I know I’m stuck on that plane until someone else decides I can get off – maybe the fear is down to a lack of control, I’ll put that on my list to explore in the future.
My typical flight is spent on edge – sleeping is an absolute no. If I try to fall asleep, I wake myself up in a fright and think the plane is dropping. I’m deadly serious. You can laugh if you want, it’s quite comical. Then there are the sweaty palms, gripping of the armrest, occasional hyperventilating and the odd crying. Did I mention all of this can happen on a relatively smooth, turbulence-free flight? Queue turbulence and the grip on the armrest becomes tighter and the breathing becomes more out of control. Even more moderate-level turbulence and the shaking starts. You get the idea.
Social media is all about the good, and of course, my Instagram is full of pictures of amazing places (I think so anyway). I don’t hide my fear of flying and often mention it on my stories, but once those stories disappear, my Instagram goes back to being that happy travel-based page with photos of dreamy mountains and impossibly blue lakes. What I want to do in this post is share some stories behind the places I share online.
Leeds, 2021
On a mid-covid trip home in 2020-21, travel was complicated slightly with the need for a covid test to enter Spain. I’d made a special trip to Manchester just to do this test which luckily came back negative, and I was ready for my flight back home. The weather, however, had other ideas. Leeds Bradford Airport can be real fun, it’s the highest airport in the UK (fun fact) which means it can be affected by high winds and, as I found out in 2021, snow.
I woke up to a blanket of snow on the morning of my flight which gave me immediate panic. The 15-minute usual drive to the airport took nearly an hour and the airport was covered in thick snow causing me to have my Cameron Diaz “The Holiday” moment dragging my suitcase up to the terminal. We then proceeded to have a 6-hour delay due to bad weather. Full of anxiety and worry that my covid test was going to expire, I was almost in tears ringing my sister just wanting to leave and go back to the comfort of a warm house, a schnauzer and no planes.
I persevered with the thought of going back to a warmer climate and boarded. We then had another hour delay because they ran out of de-icer… you can’t make this up. We took off into a snowstorm and then landed in a mild storm in Malaga. I made it home eventually that day but then spent two days in bed, emotionally exhausted from the journey.
Albania, 2022
I had a good trip to Tirana – the people are nice, the food is great and I learnt more about a country I didn’t know much about. A productive trip, I’d say. However, it’s also where I almost had a plane-related meltdown before I even went to the airport – this is a rarity. Albania is 80% mountainous (full of fun facts today) and Tirana has a great view of the surrounding mountains, which you can explore by cable car also.
I loved this view from my balcony. However, I didn’t love it when a huge storm rolled in on the morning of my flight and covered those mountains. The thunder was loud and the rain was heavy. I had an hour-and-a-half flight to Budapest to catch. It’s rare that I feel so anxious before even going to the airport but that day filled me with dread. The idea of flying through a rocky, storm-riddled sky or not being able to take off was too much to handle. I phoned my sister (she’s patient with the panic-induced flying phone calls) and discussed the options of going to the airport or getting an Airbnb and staying longer in Tirana to avoid the weather.
I went to the airport as planned but a nervous wreck. We took off in time into the storm, a pretty rocky take-off but then the flight wasn’t too bad on the way over to Hungary. I was suddenly glad I hadn’t changed my whole itininary for pretty much nothing. I arrived in Budapest and went straight to bed, unable to even think about touristing that day.
Canada, 2019
Canada was an amazing trip. I got to visit some friends and I ate a lot of poutine. Niagara Falls, Toronto, Montréal – it was super fun. It was time to leave from Montréal with the first flight heading to Amsterdam. I ended up being upgraded to Business class on KLM which was an absolute dream; lie-flat seats, a huge screen, unlimited drinks and pretty decent food for a plane. “How can you possibly feel nervous in this luxury?”, I asked myself.
Well, it turns out that Business class isn’t immune to turbulence either. One thing I hate is flying at night. Another is flying over large bodies of water. So, a night flight over the Atlantic is one of my personal hells. I can’t deal with the sight or thought of endless stretches of darkness. On that KLM flight, I experienced some of the worst cases of turbulence I’ve ever been through. I still hear the voice of the pilot telling the flight attendants to sit down, which is when you know you’re in for a rough few minutes.
Being thrown around over the Atlantic in the middle of the night was not a pleasant experience for anyone, but it pushed me over the edge. I burst out into tears whilst clinging on tightly. After it passed the flight attendant came to see me to check I’d stopped crying and shaking. I eventually made it back to Malaga and spent a day in bed recovering.
Flying really takes it out of me. I can have just an hour-long flight and feel as if I’ve been travelling for days. I often arrive at my destination completely mentally exhausted. When I arrive in a new place, unless I’ve had a really bad flight, I can more or less get on with things due to the excitement of being in a new place. However, on the way home, it’s not uncommon for me to end up in bed until I feel better.
How I try to manage my fear of flying
One in six people have some form of a fear of flying, whether that’s complete terror and refusal to even get on a plane or just a lot of discomfort while flying. I never realised how common it was until I informed myself more. In case you’re wondering how I try to combat my fear, here are some techniques I’ve tried:
- Hypnotherapy podcast – There are probably lots out there but I tend to use Fear of Flying by The Hypnotist. You listen to it before flying but I often find it helps when I’m onboard too. It helps me visualise a more relaxing space. The only thing is sometimes it’s hard to zone into it when you’re on a plane due to background noise.
- Educating yourself – This is very important. The more you know about how a plane works, the more you realise how safe it is. Flying with Confidence by British Airways experts is a good read to understand all aspects of flying from basic concepts to how weather can affect the flight. A good podcast is The Fearless Flyer by Grant and James. There are over three seasons now with each episode breaking down a key theme.
- Distractions – I always watch series and movies on planes but they don’t really help if I’m very nervous as I just constantly tap the screen to check the time. What distracts me more is playing a game on my phone, working or writing a blog. Keeping my brain engaged is much better for me than mindlessly watching another episode of Friends. The only downside is that it’s hard to use your laptop on a plane, especially if you end up on Ryanair!
- An over-the-counter sleeping tablet – I’ve tried this on longer flights to help me fall asleep and the success rate isn’t great. On my way to Singapore, it had no effect whatsoever. I did get drowsy coming back from Kazakhstan but kept jolting myself awake. I have never tried a more powerful tablet. I’ve heard a lot of doctors don’t like prescribing these now for flying and personally, I’d rather find a better long-term solution than knocking myself out.
- Herbal calms – They don’t do a bad job of calming my nerves down and I feel that I’ve managed turbulence better than I normally would have e.g being able to control my breathing and not crying (always a win). At the end of the day, they are natural, herbal tablets so they don’t relax you completely but worth a shot, even if it’s just a placebo effect.
- Alcohol – It’s not an every-flight solution, but one glass of wine can calm me down. I typically only do this when on a flight with meal service and never buy it otherwise. It’s not something I want to make a habit out of on a flight, but sometimes you have to go with what works.
So many of you might ask why I keep doing this to myself. The answer is pretty simple, to see the world. I wouldn’t trade the memories and experiences I have for anything. The negative impact of any anxiety is far outweighed by the highs of travel and hopefully, always will be. I am always working on my fear of flying and progress is happening. I was able to travel to South East Asia earlier this year with relatively low anxiety (although not much sleep) and short flights within Europe are now becoming much easier. My goal is to make it on the long flight to South America and I’ll do my very best to make sure my fear of flying doesn’t stop me from achieving it.